Lizz's Talk

Well, this is the first time I have really had the chance to write anything in quite a while. Things have been so crazy for me with moving back to Kansas and having to start the civilian life. I am working at Home Depot now, which I like for the most part. Every job will have their equal-opportunity-asshole (you know--the guy who hates everyone the same), but other than that I get along with everyone I work with and enjoy my job. John is driving a bus for the Lawrence transportation system and enjoying that--and it doesn't bother his shoulder very much.
Kaylah and Roman are growing so fast that it suprises me sometimes. Roman will be 2 on the 20th and Kaylah will be 6 next month on the 21st. Roman is totally into the movie Cars--that is the only movie that he will sit through the whole thing and not move. Kaylah is really into Bratz--and of course she is starting to get into what's "cool" and "not cool" now that she is a 1st grader. She almost thinks she's an adult now just cause she's done with kindergarten (it's kind of funny to watch how she acts sometimes--other times you want to scream cause she can be so sassy). She also keeps telling me that she wants a baby sister now--I keep trying to tell her that there is only about a 1% chance that we are going to have another baby. Kaylah also sprained her ankle really bad a couple of weeks ago and now they are sending her to an orthopedic doctor to make sure she didn't REALLY screw something up. I think she got being accident-prone from John cause I was always too scared to get hurt so I was extra careful whenever I did anything. But she is just like John in that she will jump head first and think about it later (usually after she has hurt herself). From birth she has now had a spinal tap (when she was first born), IVs in her arms and head (when she was born), x-rays twice now (once for her finger and once for her ankle), her pinky finger she broke, 3 stitches in her chin, and now her ankle (which they are sending her to the ortho dr who will probobly do an MRI). I don't know what I'm going to do with her--I'm going to have to win the lottery just to pay for her ER visits!! I just hope Roman is a little more careful--or I will end up with gray hair before I turn 30!
Another exciting thing that has happened is that I found my brother (or rather he found me). I always knew I had a brother, but I didn't know anything about him so I never thought I would have a snowballs chance in hell of ever meeting him. But he actually found me online through Yahoo Answers--I had posted a question asking if anyone had ideas on how to find my dad and about 3 months later I got an email saying that he thought we might have the same dad--and we do! His name is Phil and he is married and now has 3 kids (#3 was just born in April!). We haven't got to meet yet cause he is in the military and stationed overseas. We have talked on the phone and email each other all the time--which will have to be good enough for now I guess--but I cannot wait to meet him in person.
Well, that about sums things up with me right now--there have been so much that has happened in the past couple of months, but that is just the big stuff. Oh, and I got another tattoo, so that makes 3 so far--I know of at least 2 more that I want to get. Well, I'd better get going--the kiddos are starting to ask for dessert--I think ice cream sounds good right now!

I have been way to busy to post here--and still am, but I will try to update when I can. We are back in Kansas and trying to get settled--and find jobs!! AHHHH---I can't wait to get out of the house and go back to work! I think most people would shoot me for that statement. Well, off to bed with me. G'nite All!!

Hey all!! I have to make this really quick cause I'm at the library and Roman is getting ready to throw a major fit!! We will be home by the end of Feb--although I don't know if that is enough time for me to go through everything!! I didn't think this would be different from moving any other time, but I guess living overseas is different. I'm hoping that I will have more time to post here after we get back home and get settled. I am also going to try to post some new pics on Flickr, but who knows when I will be able to get to that!! I'd better get going though--I have a lot of little things to get done today. I hope everyone is doing good!!

I hope everyone has a safe and happy Halloween. Things have been so crazy here lately that I haven't had time to update this--and of course I really don't have the time right now--we are getting ready to go trick-or-treating and I need to get Kaylah in costume and redo my make-up. I guess I will try to update more tomorrow when things slow down!!

Gay Rights
"Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands?" - Ernest Gaines

We would like to know who really believes in gay rights on LiveJournal. There is no bribe of a miracle or anything like that. If you truly believe in gay rights, then repost this and title the post as "Gay Rights". If you don't believe in gay rights, then just ignore this. Thanks.

Sure, this meme is simple and won't take you much effort or maybe even thought to do. But you never know when something like this can mean something to someone else. So pass it on.

This is Kaylah's x-ray of her hand. It didn't scan very well, but I followed her fracture with white dots.

Well, it's official--Kaylah is a clutz like me!! She fractured her pinky finger on her right hand--although we are still trying to figure out how!! Right now it's in a splint until the orthopedist can see her next week. The comforting thing is that she will be seeing the same doctor that took care of John's surgery so we know him and John really liked him. She seems to be doing okay with it--except that she is right-handed so she wants to use her hand and her fingers and she can't. Then today at church she took off her splint when she went to children's church so we had to redo it when we got home. I feel kind of bad cause I don't know what she is going through--I've never broken a bone in my life (and I'm 25) and here she has already accomplished that at 5!!

I know I don't have many friends on here yet--but for those of you who are I would love to know more about you.


1.Your Middle Name: (i wont hate you if you dont tell this one)
2. Age:
3. Single or Taken:
4. Favorite Movie:
5. Favorite Song:
6. Favorite Band/Artist:
7. Dirty or Clean:
8. Tattoos and/or Piercings:



HERE COMES THE...


1. Do we know each other outside of LJ?

2. Whats your philosophy on life?

3. What is your favorite quote?

4. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest?

5. What is your favorite memory of us?

6. Would you rather fly or breath water? Why?

7. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you:

8. Would you take care of me when I'm sick?

9. If we were to meet me, where would it happen?

10. What is one word you would use to describe yourself?

11. Do you use LJ to escape your life or extend it?

12. What is one word you would use to describe me?

13. Where is one place you want to go above any other?

14. Do you find me attractive?

15. If you could ask me anything, anything at all, what would it be?

16. What do you wear to sleep?

17. Where do you want to be right now?

18. Would you date me? If yes, where would you take me?

19. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together?

20. Will you repost this so i can fill it out for you?

Well, after taking a few steps here and there, Roman is finally walking all over the place. It was so funny (and kind of scary), last night I was sitting on the floor with him and all the sudden he just took off across the room!! Not just a few steps either--I'm talking completely across the living room!! It was so amazing--it's like he just magically realized that he could walk and did it. I was so happy, but at the same time it's kind of makes me sad cause that means he is growing up. I guess I'm getting "baby fever" again--I keep seeing babies all over the place and it makes me think about having another one. Who knows--maybe someday. . . .

I am way to busy to post anything except a quick note while the kids are laying down--we have 5 kids in the house right now---yes I said 5!! We are babysitting 3 kids for the weekend so their parents could go to Switzerland. Kaylah also just finished her first week of Kindergarten!!! I can't even go into that right now--but I better go tell Kaylah to hush before she wakes up Roman--more to come Monday or Tuesday!!

Every single night I cry myself to sleep
Thoughts and memories of you I shall forever keep
Your image runs through my mind every single day
You seem so close yet you’re so far away
I don’t understand how you can be so cold
I used to think you were my treasure of gold
But now I know that since you ran from me
You in my eyes is one thing I’ll never see
I’ll admit right now that I miss you so much
And my everlasting love nothing will ever touch
But I want you to know from this day on
You are not my father since you are gone

My love for you burns so deep
And this love I shall forever keep
During the day and all through the night
I’m always wishing you were in my sight
When ever I think of you I have to smile
And it hurts to be away from you for a while
I’m so sorry that I spoke the words I did
I’m sorry I kept my strong feelings so very hid
I was so scared that I would start hurting
That I wasn’t thinking of how you were feeling
I just don’t want it to end with those words
It feels like my heart is filled with swords
So please tell me you’ll forgive and forget
And come back into my arms yet

You gave me life so I owe you mine
We need to sit down to drink and dine
So we can talk about all we’ve missed
We can even talk about the first time we got kissed
I want you to know that I’ll love you forever
Even though at tricking me you are so clever
You are always there when I am sad
And you understand how I feel about my dad
You are right now and always will be
The light in my life and the love in me

To the only one I will ever love
My love for you soars higher than a dove
I love you will all my heart and soul
Without your love in my heart would be a hole
My love for you stands strong and bold
If your love ever stopped my heart would grow cold
My love for you burns very deep
So my love you shall forever keep
And now I’m down on one knee
Hoping I can get you to see
How much you are loved in my heart
Even though we are very far apart

Times of sadness always pass but life goes on
Times are really sad and hard now that you’re gone
Your memory will linger in our minds and hearts forever
We’ll love you always and forget you we will never
Now that you’re gone I miss all the little things about you
I know you’re in a better place but I miss you, too
I’m just so sad that I never got a chance to say good-bye
And I remember all the times you thought you could fly
As you pass through the gates of Heaven we’ll cry our tears
But knowing that you’re with God I’ll have no fears

I'm going to start with my earlier ones so bear with me--they are the worst!!


My heart is hurting to bad
To describe in a world so sad
I cry every night and day
Before I sleep I often pray
To awake and see you beside me
Then hear the cry of a baby
We hear this cry and arise
And we calm our baby’s cries
We hold each other o’ so tight
And make love all through the night
But then I awake from this dream
So realistic did it seem
I wish it could be like it used to
But wishing is all I can do
Wishing is all I can do

Recently I have been reading some others poetry and decided that I would post some of my own. I don't think they are very good, but they come straight from my soul. I would like to know what anyone thinks if you would please give me an honest opinion--I would really like some critisisms. Thanks!!

By the way it might take me a little while before I get some up--I have 5 kids in the house right now.

I really hate nightmares--especially when you can't get back to sleep afterwards and they haunt you for days. I had one of those two nights ago. I was pregnant again (with another girl) and I went into premature labor. My mom took me to the hospital but then left saying she was going to find John. I was in so much pain that I collapsed on the floor, but I was alone and none of the nurses would help me. Everyone in the hospital was ignoring me like I wasn't even there. I was scared, in pain, and tired. Then all the sudden I was in a room trying to deliver, but I was still alone. Then one nurse came in and delivered the baby girl. She turned to me seconds later and said that my baby was dead. I started screaming and crying and she laid my peaceful little girl on my chest. I just held her and wept until I woke up.

I've learned through the years that the best way to deal with my demons is to talk to write about them. I didn't want to upset John so I have decided to write about it and hopefully the images will clear from my mind. It really scared me and has got me thinking that no matter what happens in the future I don't want to try to have another baby. Even now I feel like I really lost a child even though I know it was just a dream.

I went to the eye doctor yesterday. I figured it would be just a quick exam--my eyes haven't changed much in the last year. But he asked me if we could dialate my pupils. I had never had this done before so I said sure. He put a couple of different eye drops in my eyes and said we had to wait about 20 minutes and then he would check my retinas and for tears. I didn't really think much of it, but by the time I left about 45 minutes later my head was POUNDING!!! I couldn't believe how much one little thing could make my head hurt so bad. I ended up going to bed (while swearing that I would never do that again) at 8:30. I think they should warn you that your head is going to feel like it will explode for the rest of the day--luckily for me my appt was in the afternoon so I didn't have to wait long before I got to sleep it off. I pray that Kaylah and Roman don't have to deal with wearing glasses--but I know they will. I couldn't even see the big E with my glasses off and contacts out! I doubt John can either--so the kids are screwed.

Well, Kaylah's teacher just left. They did home visits this year so the kids could meet them in a familiar environment. She is a really nice lady (we met her a registration, too). It's so hard to believe that Kaylah is going to school! It terrifies me more than words can explain and I guess it finally his John yesterday. I thought he was going to start crying when he came home for lunch--he just kept hugging Kaylah and telling her how much he loves her. He also talked to me a lot in bed and told me that he realizes now how many times he had a chance to spend time with Kaylah and didn't. I told him that he is a good dad and spends as much time with Kaylah as she wants to spend with him (I don't think he realized exactly what I was trying to say!!). I know she loves to spend time with us--but she is also hitting that age where she wants to spend time with her friends. She had her first sleep over on her birthday and the next weekend she spent the night at Autumn's house. I can't believe she is growing up so fast.